Austin Bicyclists’ Funny & Insightful Texts About Biking the Tour Das Hugel (Or Not)

Should I ride Das Hugel?  No.

Why shouldn’t I ride Das Hugel?  It’s extremely dangerous. Some of the descents are wickedly fast with winding turns. There’s grooved pavement, traffic, grumpy police, steep grades up that might leave you falling over in your clips, etc. Your doctor would advise against it unless your ticker is in top shape. Your spouse would force you to up your life insurance.

Really?  OK, it’s an unforgettable experience. Gorgeous scenery. And everyone is joined in the camaraderie of pain.

Hugel logo 2

A Dude: Rafael, Are you das hugeling?

Rafael: Yes. Are you?

A Dude: Uh, I don’t think it would be prudent at this juncture. You’re aware of my level. On the Fuji I would suck a bit less but still would suffer a ton even on the half. Have to walk, probably get lost, laughed at, everyone is saying it’s hell and these are skinny fit people.

Rafael: It is pretty terrible. Attempted two years ago and was walking 10 miles into the ride. Finished the whole thing last year though.  If you’re considering it, try to get up Smokey Valley before saturday. If you can get up that, you can do the Hugel.

A Dude: Ok, we’ll see. You mean I can do the half. Have to find smokey valley. Maybe it’s a training thing for 2019. I need a coach and someone to keep the bad food out of my mouth.,

Rafael: You don’t need a coach….You don’t give yourself enough credit. You have the base miles already. You’re ready for the deep end of the pool… I don’t think J’s Hugeling…. We all gotta die of something. Heart attack on Hugel is an honorable way to go.

A Dude: I’m suggesting she does the half with me. Well, start it. A Hugel heart attack would end the need for me to find a job and pay rent. My book would be published posthumously. People would actually read my blog. There’d be a white bike or something (please, absolutely no cross – I’m Jewish, so put a Star of David). Sounds like a no brainer. So yes, it’s all up to J. My life is in her hands. (CPR doesn’t require the mouth breathing anymore.) LOL. Been nice knowing you. May I please quote your texts in my blog?

Rafael: Of course. You can even make quotes up if you want.

A Dude: Ha. Don’t think I need to, but we’ll see.

Rafael: I promise I will buy you a new bicycle. (A Dude made that up.)


A Dude: Jenni, Are you Das Hugeling Sat?

Jenni:  Ha! It’s such torture. I might try to do the first lap. I haven’t really decided yet. Definitely not up for the whole thing.

A Dude: With the half? R says maybe if I can get up Smokey valley. Wherever that is. Question is if I can get out of bed!

Jenni: Haha. I feel the same way. I’ve never done Smokey valley… I think my best advice is just that that ride is pure torture.

A Dude:  Good luck tomorrow if you go. 1% if me wishes I were, but the other 99 is happy to sleep in and enjoy not suffering. I just couldn’t think of any good reasons to do it.

Jenni:  I’m debating doing the same. The cold is really turning me off.

She then posted a ride on Strava that said “Does running hills count as Hugel practice?”


A Dude: Should I attempt the half?

Paulo: Do it!

A Dude: I’m gonna need more on why and how without dying!

Paulo: Your journey, your decisions on how to go about it. Eating and staying hydrated are the only necessaries.

A Dude: Ugh, such a responsible, sage answer. How about climbing legz? What do I eat? Staph said large Snickers bats. I mean StEph! And Snickers baRs!

Paulo Hernandez: Do a few mins a research online for dietary advice. You can totally quote me!

A Dude: Ok, thanks. But there’s so much afflicting device. Conflicting advice!

Paulo: That’s why you have to decide for yourself… Haha, hills are not my idea of fun.

A Dude: Probably wise. I should skip it too, too early and hard. Maybe next year for you, and if I’m smart, never for me.

Paulo: I’d do the course backwards to go down all the hills haha… I’m saying I do everything I do for a reason and can do anything I put my mind to. You gotta make changes to reach goals.

A Dude: Hugel is not a goal, but it might have been fun if I had trained for it.


A Dude: Randy, Are you Das Hugeling Sat?

Randy: I guess not since I don’t know what that is.

A Dude: Ha! unsanctioned suffer fest. 40 mi 5000k elevation or 100 mi, 10000k elevation.

Randy: Ahhh… Sounds intriguing, but I’m way too busy with work to prep for it.


A Dude: Trent, are you das hugeling?

Trent: Maybe?… That looks fun! Are there going to be a lot of riders?

A Dude: Yes but it’s super effin hard. First 40 doable tho. Come help me! Going to event.

Trent: Loop 1 prolly 👍


A Dude: David, are you Das Hugeling?

David: not riding but might try to spectate some if I can get out early.

A Dude: Let’s attempt the first half.

David: Got a schedule conflict so just hoping to watch some if I get out all. Should be great weather!

A Dude: Will you sag for me, if I even show up? Half serious.

David: Schedule conflict takes priority, means I can’t commit to anything more involved than cheering😁

A Dude: Of course. Should I even bother trying the half?

David: Big challenge. We’d all be proud of you!

A Dude: Or super embarrassed for me for having to walk many of the 40 miles… May I please quote your texts in my blog?

David: You bet, use ’em as you like.

A Dude: Cool can you add anything witty like “you must be crazy, so don’t do it!!!”

David: What, now I gotta write the dang thing for you!?!?


A Dude: Carly, Are you Das Hugeling Sat?

Carly (not her real name by request): Yeah, I’m definitely going to start it. We will see if I can make the whole

A Dude: Cool! I haven’t been training on hills much. The FAQ says if you have to ask, don’t do it… What do you think? At least try to start the half a Hugel? Never done Jester. Tried like half a mile and wisely quit. But maybe…

Carly: No. Don’t do it… It’s literally the hardest ride I’ve ever done. And I’ve done Colorado rides. This is much harder and everyone that goes is pretty fast. You’ll get lost.

A Dude: I wouldn’t be racing, just do what I could. Not sure you’re that familiar with my riding since you don’t look in Strava. You’re probably right tho telling me no, makes me want to try. But I will probably be sleeping. Good luck!

Carly: That’s just my two cents. It’s literally hell

A Dude: I trust your input but part of me wonders. No guts, no glory, right? You know I did 202 miles in 2 days in the MS 150 last year, right? But not so much elevation.


A Dude: Bruce, Are you Das Hugeling Sat? (Yep, I misspelled his name!)

Bryce: Possibly, but it’s doubtful. I’m thinking about bikepacking/camping instead

A Dude: Sounds alot more fun. Should I even bother trying the half?

Bryce: The first half has a few long hills, but only 1 super steep one that many walk (highroad, off Toro canyon). Here’s my route for one year when I rode just the first loop:

A Dude:  Thanks. So should I even bother trying? May I please quote your texts in my blog?

Bryce: Sure, give it a try. After highroad, you’re head back towards bee cave, you can bail and head back to zilker on Stratford.  Looks like a pic of me is still on the website. When I lived in Jester I used to set up a rest stop at the top of jester/beauford and hand out beer.

Bryce at Hugel
Bryce (left) handing out beer, water and Gatorade

A Dude: That’s funny. You lived on that hill not in the UT dorm? Is jester hill in the first half?

Bryce: One year we had 2 couples on tandems ride up beauford – that’s a “divorce ride” on a “divorce bike.”

A Dude: Crazy times. Who ARE these people?

Bryce: Jester is a road & neighborhood at 2222 and 360. There are 3 roads in that neighborhood. Lakewood is bad, but the other 2 are top-5 hills in Austin

A Dude: Don’t have legs for that, barely tried it once. We’ll see about lap 1. Only done Ladera once so Smoky Valley may be too much. Any advice? Not been doing hills or long rides much this year at all.

Bryce: take it easy and spin your granny gear… I have a friend trying to convince me to ride with him, so I may show after all.

A Dude: I guess the question is why? It’s different but maybe seeing if I can. Or ego, which is a bad reason. I’d go camping if I could and were you.

Bryce: I like hills, but I don’t want to ride the route alone. He’s slower than me, but within a tolerable difference. It’s either him, or try to hang with my Cat 1-3 friends, suffer, then blow up and have to quit.

A Dude: And why should I don’t? (Or not.)  Looks like under 4k feet. Advisable for a D rider without much hill work lately?

Bryce:  only advisable for stubborn riders

A Dude: That is me… ***sometimes***. This is the only real hill ride I did lately.


A Dude: Seth, are you Das Hugeling?

Seth: Definitely not

A Dude: That is scary. (Because he’s a great bike rider.) I should sleep in and pretend it’s not even happening, right?

Seth: It’s all of the hardest climbs in Austin all at once. It’s a hard pass from me


woman walking HugelPhoto of woman walking up a hill at Das Hugel.  Source: 154

A Dude: Holly, Are you Das Hugeling Sat?

Holly: Hmm. Nope. Never heard of it

A Dude: It’s 40 miles of hills and 5000 feet or 103 miles of 10000+ feet.

Holly:  Definitely no

A Dude: But you’re a boss on the bike and running, I thought? Try the half Hugel and just walk when needed. I hear they have beer and shots at the rest stop at the end maybe.

Holly: I’m merely a speck on the spectrum of Boss. I’ll enjoy my relatively pain-free speck status on Saturday thanks

A Dude: You may be right, but I think you could do it.

Holly: I could but I have plans this weekend. Maybe next year

A Dude: Have fun! May I please quote you?

Holly: Sure, so long as mine are the cleverest


A Dude: Davis, Are you Das Hugeling Sat?

Davis: No. Wish I was. Have fun!

A Dude: Ok thanks. I’m 99% sure that I shouldn’t do it and will die if I try even the half.

Davis: Ha!  I understand. Do it. Just put it in your spinning gears and grind on up the hills. No shame in trying.


A Dude: Marty, Are you Das Hugeling Sat?

Marty: No

A Dude: You’re a boss on the bike, I’m surprised. Should I even bother trying the first half?

Marty: I have another obligation. First half is tough. Includes High Road (0.5mi @ 15%) & quickly to Terrace Mountain (less steep but longer) as well as Barton Creek & Lost Creek. You need to assess your own ability. There is NO SAG or other support. It’s a suffer fest.


A Dude: Stephanie, Are you Das Hugeling Sat?

Stephanie: No, I’m not in shape for Das Hugel this year. I’m also more cautious about riding outside because racism.

A Dude: Understand the first, and that sucks about the second. I’m sure I’d be laughed at for being a fathlete.

Stephanie: Forward is a pace. 😎🙂

A Dude: Yes and I’m in shape, cause round is a shape. 😜🚴

Stephanie: See? You get it!!

A Dude: Yes, I don’t write that joke but it’s true. I should be going on the 11:30 Caffeine Cruise with Social Cycling, not Das Hugel with the hard men and women, which will suck if I do it. May I please quote your texts in my blog?

Stephanie: Absolutely!

A Dude: Sweet. Anything to add? Current odds are towards me trying it.

Stephanie: Treat Das Hugel like Tour De Donut, only use king-sized Snickers at every gas station. Anything is possible!

A Dude: That’s funny and useful, Staph. I mean Steph!!! May I call you Steph?

Stephanie: Absolutely, as it’s efficient and descriptive. Lol

A Dude: Which one, Staph or Steph? I mean, your laugh is infectious but it would just be rude to call you Staph. L O L

Stephanie: See…🤣🤣

A Dude:  Those emojis look like sideways cheeseburgers …. Mmm…. cheeseburgers.

NOTE:  At this late date, I don’t see how the heck I’d be able to do it.  Bike isn’t ready and neither am I.  But it was a nice thought.  Maybe next year.


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10 thoughts on “Austin Bicyclists’ Funny & Insightful Texts About Biking the Tour Das Hugel (Or Not)

    1. Well you’re excused. Having ridden a Russian the US you would definitely be in better shape. I wasn’t up for it, neither was bike, so I followed the advice as I hinted at the end. Maybe next year but becoming a class a hill climber is not a goal. Not without major improvements, which seem unlikely even after about 16,500 miles in four years to date. I’m okay with that. Are there hills in Wisconsin?


      1. People who aren’t from here think it’s flat until they ride a bike here. We have the “Horribly Hilly Hundreds”, with 11k feet of climbing in 200 km. Hills tend to be short and steep. We had a very short 19% grade on the WI leg of the coast-to-coast ride. Climbing prowess is partly dependent on body type. You could probably push through headwinds on flat ground way better than I.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Dude,

    Personally, if I was a cyclist? I’d probably stick to King sized Snickers bars and sideways cheeseburgers as I watched others traverse that thankless elevation.

    But that’s Das my two cents . . .

    Liked by 1 person

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