You’re not supposed to park in the bike lanes because it’s wrong. When drivers park in bike lanes, they endanger (and potentially kill) people on bikes because have to ride out into traffic. There are those drivers who don’t care (aka sociopaths), don’t understand (can’t read the signs), or are in a hurry/are lazy. For all of them, the motivation should be to avoid a ticket. We’ll see about that.

You can’t park your motorized vehicle in a bike lane in Austin, Texas, because of something called a “law.” Except usually there’s not a sign, so then it’s just fine. The new rules mean you will get a ticket for blocking any bike lane, sign or not. As it is now, usually nothing will happen. Austin Police is still understaffed and uses that as an excuse to not do anything. Like when your bike is stolen, for example. If there’s a violent crime in progress, they might show up, but otherwise for the most part you are S.O.L.

I’d heard about this a few days ago, but the City Council decision tonight was reported on by the local NBC affiliate. According to KXAN, “Austin kickstarts code changes to crack down on illegal parking in bike lanes,”there will be a six-month waiting period to educate drivers. A fleet of electric bikes will be procured to allow Transportation officers to look cool whilst issuing warnings. Drivers can then pay that off by taking a class called, unironically, the “Bicycle Friendly Driver Trainer Program.”

But here’s the rub. They want volunteers to help with enforcement. As if that will will work! When you rely on free labor, it’s inconsistent, unreliable, and thus unpredictable. Another of government unfunded mandate is doomed to if not fail, at least not be as successful as it could or should be. Ol’ A Dudey here would love to get a percentage of every ticket issued that I report; in fact, I thought that was already in place a few years ago. I called in or used the 311 app for a handful of illegally parked cars in bike lanes, but never saw a dime.

Look, maybe I’m being too cynical here. I could be wrong. Surely, some drivers will get tickets and learn their lesson. (Also, don’t call me Shirley.) Others may just ignore the tickets and get into worse trouble, or not. Frankly, I think everyone with a driver license needs that training annually. People drive crazily, many of them from the influx of out of towners who keep moving here and clogging the streets.

What’s the answer to all this? Share the road, it’s the law is the common sense approach. But that clearly hasn’t worked. Fruit-smashing comedian Gallagher might have been on to something when he said–jokingly–“Give ’em the death penalty for parking violations.” Here’s a novel idea: