An Imagined Chat with Sophie, My Fairdale Weekender Archer Bicycle



What? Hi, who’s talking?

It is I, your Fairdale Weekender Archer bicycle sitting next to you, leaning on this pile of boxes.

Oh, really? I had no idea you – or any bicycle – could speak!

Well, I can’t. It’s really all just in your head.

Am I going crazy?

No, not at all.

Then what’s happening? What’s this about?

Well, I’ve been sitting here for a while, very patiently I might add, and I just evolved into having consciousness and telepathic ability. And I guess I’m just wondering something.

Yeah, what’s that?

OK, here goes. (Big sigh.) Why don’t you ride me anymore? Don’t you like me?

Oh! I get it! No, of course I like you. I like you a lot, actually. But it’s kind of a long story.

Like your blog, pretty wordy, amirite? Tee hee!

Hey! Watch that attitude.

OK, sorry. Please continue.

Well, I realized that the other bike, I mean woman, uh… Hey, what’s your name?

You never gave me one.

Oh, well, OK, would you like one?


Hmm… By the way, are you a boy, girl, or non-binary?

I identify as female, not just because of my pretty sea foam green color, because color should not be gendered. It’s because I’m tough, elegant, and I float down the road like a dreamboat. And ships are still named for women.

Well, how about I call you Sophie, a kind of word play on sea foam? It also sounds like “so free,” which is how I feel when I ride you.

I like it! That’s a very nice thing for you to say, A Dude!

The newly christened Sophie, waiting to be ridden.

It’s true. But Sophie, I haven’t ridden you because that other woman…

You mean that old Japanese lady with the skinny wheels and chipped grey black paint?

Yes, the Fuji Silhouette.

What about her?

Well, I haven’t been riding you because she almost has 10,000 miles on her. And don’t tell her, but I was thinking of maybe retiring her.

And then you’d start riding me again? You know I’m very sexy with my 9 gears and one in the front, disk brakes, and I’m strong due to my chromoly steel.

Yes, exactly! Although on longer rides, I hope to get a new flat-bar road bike. First I need a paycheck, or to raise money on GoFundMe. You’re a little, you know…

I know what?

… well, you have big bones.

OMG WTF Dude! Are you kidding me? Big bones, my ass. I told you, I’m made of steel.

Yes, I know, I’m sorry! I just meant that it’s easier for me to go longer distances on a lighter bike. Because of my low power to weight ratio. It’s about me, not you.

Well, if you put it that way, I guess I forgive you.

Great! I promise, we’re going to ride again soon. Although I’m having some pains lately and I started… well, it’s hard for me to say.

What is it? You can tell me anything! Remember all those good times we had riding to train for the MS 150?

Well, I was thinking of renting you on Spinlister.

No way!

Yes, well, it would have been fun! You’d get to have other people ride you.

OK, I guess, if you say so. But hey, didn’t Spinlister go out of business?

Yes. But I had you tuned-up and cleaned up real nice, and I didn’t want to get you dirty again, and so then I was actually thinking of…

Yes, Dude? You were thinking of what?

(Whispers.) Selling you to pay rent.

(Gasps.) What? I’m so sad and mad I don’t know what to say!

But I didn’t, did I?

No, I guess not. (Long pause; brightens.) I guess I can understand that. Is there anything else you need to tell me?

Uh, erm, OK, yes. I am seeing someone else. It’s a Ford Escort.

You can’t be serious, Mr. A Dude Abikes “13 Years (Not) a Slave to Cars”!

Yes, well, if you read all of my blog posts you would know someone loaned me a car. So it might be necessary for me to stop riding bikes as much until I feel better.

Oh, well, if you put it that way.

Yes, but so far I can still ride some, I just have to take it easy until we figure out what’s going on.

Julia Andy raffle bike 021917 - Copy

Julia, formerly of Bike Austin, presents A Dude Abikes with his raffle-winning Fairdale (February 2017).

Great! So when are we going to go for a ride? Now? Can we go now? Please please please?

No, Sophie, not now. It’s late at night and dark, and although I got you a tune-up and a bath, you need air, and oil, and I need to be in the right mood. As soon as Old Fuji-san hits 10K, we’re going to go out. Maybe even sooner. I promise.

Pinky swear?

Pinky swear.

Ok, well, go back to watching your World Cup soccer. But really you should get to bed.

I know, but I love soccer. It reminds me of when I used to play when I was younger.

Good night then, Dude.

Good night to you, Sophie.


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11 thoughts on “An Imagined Chat with Sophie, My Fairdale Weekender Archer Bicycle

  1. Dude –

    Bicycles can too talk, they just have tiny little mouths hiding somewhere under the stem. And they are often hard of hearing from being ridden cross-chained too much, riding on rough roads, and being honked at by rude cars.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Fantastic Is there a photo? Where the hell is Ennis, MT? Why were you boozing, not cruising!? And remember, I’m not THE Dude, I’m A Dude. Thanks for the thought? Rubber side down…


      1. There is a photo. I can post it on my site next time I have reliable service, unless there’s a way to add a photo to a comment here. Ennis is about 75 miles from Yellowstone, where I’ll be tonight.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Look out for the elk rutting in Mammoth. There was fire in W. Yellowstone and snow at old faithful when I was there. Not sure if photos but my Gmail is the same name. No biggie just joshing mostly. Best wishes on your awesome journey!


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