Texas

Cyclist Concocts Clever Coronavirus Comedy

~ A Dude Abikes ~ 2 Comments

While we while away the days in semi-sheltered states during the worldwide whirlwind of a punishing pandemic, A Dude is still doing his daily walking, biking, yogaing, and writing, which take hours and are a lot of work that I’m not being compensated for. I’m waiting for work or illness to begin (hopefully not the latter). So while there’s not a lot going on regarding all my daily habits and activities, except that I keep doing them. they do all relate to the one topic at the top of everyone’s mind: health. “Laughter is the best medicine,” it’s said. To which I add, “…except for real medicine.”

I’m not a doctor, but some people have said that I’m funny. So here are some attempts at making you laugh, chuckle, guffaw, smile or yuk it up. You can read my previous attempts here, here and here, This is best read aloud in front of a crowd of semi-drunk people. If it’s just you, and you are allowed to have a few adult beverages, then you can read this in front of a mirror for a similar effect to a comedy club. I own my own comedy club, actually. It’s a bat with the words “Ha Ha Ha!” written on them. Just kidding. Let’s proceed.

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I’ll Tell Ya What I’m Watchin’ on My Telly (Part 1)

~ A Dude Abikes ~ 10 Comments

Liike many people during this time of mandated respite I’ve found solace in a program of the filmed entertainments, or two (or ten). When I’m not biking, walking, writing, doing yoga, eating, sleeping, or reading, I enjoy some downtime streaming on the old boob tube, the small screen, the idiot box. I call it my digital storytelling portal. (Not really, I just made that up, but it’s not half bad.) Anyway, I’m appreciate the art — especially the writing — that goes into these shows. Herewith are some of what I’ve been enjoying (sans spoilers).

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In a World, Not Too Far Away…

~ A Dude Abikes ~ 4 Comments

A mysterious disease has ravaged Planet Earth’s once-dominant species, Homo sapiens, wiping out hundreds of millions. Survivors pick up the pieces and begin a movement for a new society. Fossil fuels and internal combustion engines ceased to exist. Even electric cars were no more. The much vaunted high technology — which many people worshiped as an omnipotent deity — mostly failed. A huge electromagnetic pulse triggered by financial and staffing meltdowns decimated the electrical grid.

Humans had no choice but to return to a mostly agrarian existence, as nature began to reclaim the silent concrete in cities. Park land, rooftops and abandoned big box stores were harnessed to grow food. In order to survive, humans had to unlearn many of their modern, urban bad habits. They learned how to live in harmony with the land, sea and skies which they had raped, pillaged and burned for so long in a greedy chase of profits and wealth. Cooperation and collaboration were the new ethos. Unsurprising to those who had been riding them, bicycles became the primary form of transport.

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Which Austin, Texas Bike Shops Are Open During the COVID-19 Shelter in Place?

~ A Dude Abikes ~ 10 Comments

During my ongoing spins around town, at least my neck of the woods, I’ve passed by a few local bike shops (LBS). Given the government shut-down of all non-essential business, it seemed most of the LBS’s were forced to close. Many operate on thin margins, so it’s not good news. But I began thinking: If auto dealers, car repair and auto parts shops are open, isn’t it discriminatory against the car-less and poor to close down the LBS’s?

However, bicycling is an exempt activity from the health department order to stay home. And if you ride a bike, you know you will eventually need new tubes or a professional repair. A reputable source told me that LBS’s are now being considered as important enough to be allowed to stay open, thanks to some advocacy. So I was curious who was open. This is not an exhaustive or authoritative list, and it’s subject to frequent changes. Your mileage may vary — quite literally. Check their websites, social media or call first before biking there.

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Goodbye America, Nice Knowing You

~ A Dude Abikes ~ 18 Comments

Austin, Texas — The Mayor, in cahoots with the chief of Public Health (aka the SARS Czar is requiring residents to Shelter in Place starting today, but just for two weeks. (Yeah, right!) It’s also known as staying the fuck home, a curfew, being on lockdown with a few exceptions, and martial law lite (New! With scary virus features!) But because of a silent but deadly killer (no, not farts, it’s coronavirus), the land of the free and the home of the brave is having a major hissy fit. Some are asking what it all means to cancel everything including our Bill of Rights. Really, ‘merikuh? Suspend the US Constitution? WTF?

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500 Followers on My Blog: An Occasional Blog About This Blog

~ A Dude Abikes ~ 22 Comments

Since starting ADudeAbikes.com on WordPress January 1, 2016, I had no clue what I was getting myself into. At the end of 2015 I had just obtained a cell phone and biked about 3,000 miles. It began as a way to document my journey — both figurative and literal. And I suppose I’ve accomplished a few things. Sometimes I like to look at those statistics and reflect upon it all.

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Verisimilitude: Leap Day Twenty Twenty Poem

~ A Dude Abikes ~ 3 Comments 
Sitting at my keyboard
wondering what to type
college friend emails from India
she ain't got no Skype
Once did yoga on her lawn
sun-drenched shorts of orange 
light dappled her auburn hair
nothing rhymes with orange
I've no right to write poetry
just a simple bike ridin' dude
but who says I can't rhyme
and speak of verisimilitude?
Barely rode my bike this week
cuz of my damn temp job
gotta pay the man rent, man
or land on the street, a slob
Have you heard the news today?
oh boy, every day a new doozy
while the tyrant rants and sycophants blather
I'd really rather just take another snooze, see?
It's sunny out there but pitch dark inside
seconds, minutes, hours pass relentlessly
time's on no one's side but its own
never ever can shake this baby called ennui
Can't get no satisfaction, though I try sometimes
through time and space I move this body of girth
endless campaign, killer virus, stock market crash
Antarctica's melting; not to worry, people of Earth!
Don't worry, be happy, this too shall pass
worst form of government, 'cept all the rest - democracy
real Americans do retail therapy, Netflix and chill
problem is telling truth from lies, what's real from hypocrisy
Honesty is hardly ever heard, word to your muthah 
zone out to your jams, take your medicine and sleep
put on a happy face, fear not, and be of good cheer
might as well jump to conclusions and take a faithful leap
Find this book by Neil Gaiman on Goodreads

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Leading Literary Light Leaves League: Michael Noll

~ A Dude Abikes ~ Leave a comment

Last night I attended another Writers League of Texas Third Thursday panel. I was late to the discussion, but luckily they all get uploaded as podcasts on their website, WritersLeague.org. Fortunately, I was able to get to the second half because it was the swan song of moderator and WLT former Program Director Michael Noll. Author, teacher, lover of snacks, dad, teller of dad jokes, and genuinely nice guy, he will be missed.

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124 Consecutive Days of Bicycling… and Counting

~ A Dude Abikes ~ 12 Comments

After a couple of days off the bicycle, I began riding daily on October 11, 2019. Every day since then, I’ve mounted my trusty steel steed Sophie, the Fairdale Weekender Archer to go places. Some days just a few miles were traversed; most days it’s closer to 20 miles, and a few even more. There have been no true rest days, as I am still walking and doing yoga daily, and now I’ve added an occasional lap swimming into the mix. It’s all rather exhausting, even if a particular ride isn’t taxing. The cumulative effect seems to be taking its toll. What’s A Dude with no car and #BikeGoals to do? Take the bus? Pshaw!

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