I’ve attempted two previous bicycle humor posts: A Bicyclist Rides Into a Bar: Some Bike Jokes I Wrote Just for You and When I Can’t Pedal I Get Crank-y. Bike Puns for Fun. Given the times we’re living in right now, I figured I’d give number three a shot. How funny you think a joke is I suppose is a matter of taste and opinion. I just watched a stand-up comedy special and it looks so easy I figure anyone can do it. (I’m kidding!) As they say in the O’Henry Pun Off, it doesn’t have to be funny to be a pun. So let’s see what I can come up with on the spot. Hopefully it tickles your funny bone, provides some levity, or at least gets you laughing at me.

Did you hear about the cyclist who was bragging about his indestructible wheels, jumped off a curb and then broke one of the metal supports? He spoke too soon.

One day, I was biking near the movie studios in LA when a car driven by a huge blue alien-looking dude turned right in front of me, causing me to crash. I woke up in serious condition at the hospital. After surgery the doctor said I’d be ok but it was touch and go for a while. The I had a visitor I recognized from the movie Avatar in full costume and make up. I said, “Hey, you hit me and put me in the hospital!” He replied, “Sorry, at first I didn’t see you. Now, ICU!”

A woman with a milk crate on the back of her bicycle pulled up to a stop. A guy on a bike said, “Nice rack.” So she slapped him. “Hey, why’d you do that?” he asked. “You do realize I was talking about your milk crate, not your breasts, right?” She replied, “Yeah, I know. I slapped you because no one calls boobs a rack anymore.” They got married and he rides tandem in the back, so the joke’s on her.

A debate team that liked to bike went out for a long ride and afterward finally agreed on a bar for refreshment. But they kept going in circles over who would buy the first round.

A bike rider was broken down on the side of a country road. After a while a farmer was passing by and offered to help. After fixing the bike, the farmer invited him to stay for dinner with him and his beautiful daughter. After seeing how the two youngsters hit it off, the farmer asked in his thick Southern drawl, “Would you like to write her?” The cyclist, hearing him wrong, was shocked. He said, “Rider? I hardly know her!”

A little girl keeps trying to get on her tall bike and falls off. She gets up, tries to get on, and falls off again. This goes on for some time. Her dad, a retired pro racer, offered some encouragement. “Some day you’ll be able to be a great climb-her.”

What does a track pursuit cyclist eat first thing in the morning? Nothing. Those bikes can’t brake fast.

What does a bike rider eat for lunch after a long, hard ride? “That’s what she said.”

How many bikes is the perfect number to keep your spouse happy? N + 1? No. The correct answer is, “What’s a bike?”

Did you hear about the medieval cyclist who ran out of money and tried to bribe the monarch, so he was put in debtors prison? He was trying to do some buy-king.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for this spontaneous session. Hopefully you liked it and will tune in again soon.

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