Biking is a great way to clear your mind, focus on solving a problem, just allow it to wander, or as a kind of moving meditation. Of course you need to concentrate on the task at hand, especially with road hazards and when interacting with other traffic. But if you’re like me, biking is a time to ruminate. The thoughts one thinks can be serious and sometimes, they can be a little silly. Herewith are some that I had this evening.
- Is that a fart I sense happening, or something else?
- That woman seems cute, above the mask, at least. You can’t tell anymore.
- What an ugly house, why can’t they build them in character with the neighborhood?
- Move your ass, you stupid cat, before you get run over!
- Time to clean my water bottle, or maybe just buy new ones.
- These bike shorts don’t have enough padding — they really chap my ass. Literally.
- To a woman riding with her arms on her hips, not on the handlebars. I mimicked her and said, “Nice! I can do that too.” She said nothing and may have scowled. What a meanie.
- Man, this cool weather is freaking fantastic. August can suck it!
- Left, right, straight? I don’t know, but I better pick one before I wreck.
- To the convenience store clerk from whom I bought a lottery ticket: “The machine says ‘NOT A WINNER’ but I’m a winner, dammit!”
- What am I going to title this ride on Strava? I know, Yo No La Tengo. A play on the name of a band, meaning I just don’t have the legs tonight.
- Hillary Swank is such a good actor. I’m still mad at her for that boxing movie though, even though it got her an Oscar. It was too sad! Now she’s making me cry again in her new space show, Away. Damn you, Hillary! Ironically, I still haven’t seen her other Oscar role, Boys Don’t Cry.
- That convenience store is closing to be remodeled. How inconvenient! I need to pee.
- I better start ramping up my miles before my annual birthday ride in a few weeks, or it’s really going to suck.
- Ruth Bader Ginsburg just died, so we’re going to be living in a fascist dictatorship very soon. I’m going to need new shoes for protesting.
- I wonder if publishing a blog on Sunday instead of Saturday makes any difference.
- Really I should seek out beta readers for my book if I ever want it to be in good enough shape to self-publish or submit for publication. But I don’t trust random strangers to get it.
- Thank goodness for a day off work. I really needed it.
- OUCH! I did not see that pothole. Are you ok Sophie? (My Fairdale bike.)
- Biking in cool autumn weather is the best. Where is everyone? More people should be doing this, they don’t know what they’re missing.
- Damn, I forgot to charge my light. Thankfully I have a backup. I remember that time I nearly got a ticket for no headlight.
- More pedestrians in the bike lane. There’s no traffic so I’ll go around. I don’t ride on the sidewalks… oh wait, yes I do. Never mind.
- With this short 11-mile ride, I’ll hit 100 for the week. Whatever I do tomorrow will just be bonus miles. These mileage goals are tiring.
- Ohh, I used to work there, I knew someone who lived over there, I’ve been down this street a thousand times.
- If I slept more I would feel more rested and maybe I could go faster and farther. So why don’t I sleep more?
- What’s for dinner? I’m craving those grapes and watermelon, though.
- I hear Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire and start singing it.
- Looking at my Garmin Vivoactive 3 Music watch, only 1.5 miles to go, I may have to make a lap around the block, no big deal.
- After my chain comes off several times: Really, dude, it’s time to clean and oil Sophie’s chain!
- What on earth am I going to blog about tonight?
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What the hell does a lottery game know about us anyways? Judging like that, asshole lottery game!
As for a post Ginsberg Supreme Court, we’re also gonna need a lot more Kevlar for all those rubber bullets . . .
And hells yes from the chorus as per Hillary. She DOES make us boys cry! Like . . all the time.
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Thanks for reading and insightful, outraged and/or amusing comments as always, S, or M. Or is it S & M? Not sure…
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Let’s go with both
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Your inner thoughts are amazingly clean and calm. Mine can’t be published.
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Thanks?! Although I try to be education, inspirational, and entertaining. After all, my mom does read this blog. I love working blue as much as you, I just think it tends to work better live, such as with masters of outrage like your pal Lewis Black.
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I saw a “snarf” on AP Bio TV show. It cracked me up. It’s a sneeze fart combo BTW.
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Farts are funny and always will be. In a dictionary in grade school it said “an explosion between the legs.” I shart you not.
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About point #1. I always wonder if people know that I’m doing a fart when I stand on my pedals
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