Talking Heads were active as an independent pop rock band from 1975-1991. They became world famous in the 80’s, the era of Music Television (MTV), with numerous danceable and singable hits that still get heavy radio play today. A big part of that fame were the whispery to soaring vocal sounds and quirky, herky-jerky dance moves of tall, angular, and gangly frontman, lead singer, guitar player, and co-songwriter, David Byrne, Spoiler alert, he’s also a bicyclist! This post is not a literary critique, but some random thoughts about his book. But stick with me, because as Byrne sings in the “Burning Down the House” lyrics: “Watch out, you might get what you’re after.” One thing is for sure: it’s doubtful such a multi-talented dude is being honest when he sings, “I’m an ordinary guy.”
Last year at this time I was not well, so I had to postpone my long annual ride. I eventually got ‘er done, which you can read about in 11/11/2022: 4,000 Miles + Longest Ride of the Year = Tired But Still Pedaling. This year, it seems I’m on track to make it tomorrow, and the weather looks good if a bit grey. I thought it would be interesting and useful to look at what goes into the preparations (and things to avoid). The Three P’s of Performance (as I just began to call them this very moment) are: 1. Physical 2. Practical 3. Psychological. I call dibs on that title, which is a technical legal term for pre-trademarking. Which I’m sure the trademark nerds would say that dibs won’t work, but that’s an example of why they’re nerds. I likee nerds, and was a band geek myself. I digress. Let’s get to it.
While these steps might be used by those who do races, preparation for racers and the pros is much more involved. Fortuately, I’m neither, just a mere mortal dude. In fact, I’m looking forward to reading a book called Slow AF Run Club: The Ultimate Guide for Anyone Who Wants to Run, because it sounds comparable to my book in progress. Anyway, a long run, swim, or ride–regardless of speed or if the field of competitors is 175 others in the Tour de France, or just yourself on a Tour de You–is something to approach seriously. Done correctly, you will reduce pain, avoid injury, and shorten recovery time. But first, a disclaimer: I’m not a bicycle coach, doctor, or personal trainer. I’m just a dude. This is for informational or entertainment purposes only, so use at your own risk. Your mileage may vary (literally).
Let’s Get Physical
Olivia Newton-John sang it best. While that childhood crush and sweaty smoke show in a leotard and headband singing 81’s biggst pop hit is not required for bike ride training, add it to your playlist if you like. But thank you, Tempo Rider down undah in Australia. (Speaking of Men at Work, that Aussie bad was my frst indoor concert; I got to the third row.) Here’s a bullet list of things my brain just vomited up on the page germanee to this topic, in no particular order:
Base miles: Don’t you dare think you can just head out one day for a long ride without building up to it. Unless you’re young, energetic, and a bit crazy. Laying down a month at minimum of regular bike rides to get your body used to T.ime I.n T.he S.addle is very important.
The 80% Rule: While it’s ot hard and fast, more tha one bicycling website says to ride this much of your total and no more. For example, for a 50-miler, you’d do 40. Less is okay, but 80% is a good amount to have in your legs. More than 80% is okay if you get plenty of …
Nutrition: You should probably eat some healthy food to fuel your body for your daily life as well as your big ride. As for what to eat, no one actually knows. Okay, carbohydrates, fats, and protein. But what sources, how much, etc. is hotly debated. There is something to carbo-loading to make sure your muscles have enough glycogen in them, but don’t overdo it. One rule I do know about is don’t change up your diet right before or the day of the ride. You don’t need a visit from one of the Rrhea twins, and I don’t mean Gona, but her sister Dia. On the day of the ride, eat enough to not bonk. Maybe some chews and gels and sports stuff work for you. Don’t pig out, either. That’s for after.
Hydration: Some people swear by drinking a little bit of water every 15 minutes for a couple of days before the ride. Not a bad idea if you can keep it up and manage the hourly skips to the loo. If you’re pee is totally clear, that’s probably too much. If it’s yellow, or you’re thirsty, you’re dehydrated already. When I did charity rides, I liked to take an Epsom salt bath the morning of the ride. On the ride, it’s doubtful you can over do it. Plan for where to refill your bottles.
Rest: This is a case of do as I say, not as I do. Taking days off the bike between rides is a good idea, and so is getting plenty of sleep, if you can. At least two nights in a row before your big ride is ideal. Alternating with other types of exercise is ideal, too. This gives the muscles time to heal, which is how they grow. Afterward, plan on a tasty nap and a good night’s sleep.
Tapering: I wrote a post on this back in December of 2020 called It’s Tapering Time: Biking Leess Meas Health Gains. Really a subset of Rest, basically, you cut back on your biking a week or more before your bike ride. The time depends on the distance, your levels of fatigue or freshness, and personal preference. But if you keep the legs turning over a little bit, that’s fine, too.
Practical Matters… Matter
There are probably plenty of books written on this subject, so this is just my hot take and not meant to be comprehensive. If you’ve done longer rides before, you’ll probably recognize most of the things. But I think it’s a pretty good list with some A Dudee Abike twists.
Bike: Tune it up yourself at your commuity shop like Yellow Bike Project if you have one. If not, try to take it to a trusted mechanic. You don’t want any surprises.
Gear: The volunteer coordinator at YBP found a couple of gashes in my rear Gatorskin tire. Fortunately they had a gently used equivalent brand and size for a low cost. Be sure to have back-up tubes, a pump or C02 cartridges (don’t forget the dispenser!). Shades, good gloves, socks, chamois-lined shorts and Chamois Butt’r. Maybe a back-up charger. ID and insurance card, cash. Pretty obvious but if you don’t have the checklist internalized you better write it down.
Route: Know what’s going on in your area and map out the road. If you’re not gravel or mountain biking, maybe even drive it in advance What day of the week, or times of day are best? Is there a parade? Festival? Street fair? Construction? Roads that may flood or wash out. Alternate routes are good to have in your back pocket, or on the map.
Weather: Yeah, kinda obvious. But you really should be prepared for what’s coming. Tak heed of weather forecasts. Recently we got hail the sze of dog poop, and it broke my housemate’s friend’s windshield twice and put lots of dings in the hood and roof. If it’s going to be raining, hailing, snowing, lightning, icing (not on the cake kind… Mmm… cake!), etc., pay attention. Do you check multiple several weather websites a week before and in the days leading up to your event? What about the hourly weather two days before the ride? Take a good poncho and shoe covers, but also common sense. You may want or have to reschedule if you can or must. Sunscreen and sleeeves for hot sun, and if you’re worried about UV exposure, a big hat to wear under your helmet that covers your neck, ears and face as possible is a good idea. Removable layers if it’s a little cool.
Psycho Killer, Quest Que C’est?
There’s really only one bullet for this, but that would look bad, so I’l split it out.
Believe you can do a long ride, and you’re more than halfway there.
Miles are mental, in many respects. A 50-mile ride may seem daunting. Four 12.5 milers? Piece of cake. So break it down, one mile at a time, and take breaks. Slow down if you must.
A sort of Zen Buddhist approach to the ride doesn’t hurt. If you build it up in your brain that it’s going to be this super hard thing, you may be bringing more suffering upon yourself.
Things will go wrong. Roll with them.
Have fun.
Live to ride another day.
Regardless of the outcome, congratulate yourself and be proud. Whatever you did is far better than you laying on the couch watching TV.
Now, go get yourself cleaned up and go lay down on the couch watching TV. And that’s it! my list of the Three P’s approach to a long bike ride (or other effort). Let me know what you think in the comments.
Copyright 2023 A Dude Abikes. All rights reserved. Shortlink to this post.
Another month has gone by since my last post, and just a few weeks are left in the year. As the weather cools and holidays and a new year approach, thoughts turn inward, toward retrospection, and to the future. There’ll be time for a review of the year come January, though. For now, what has gone on since 11/11? Work, for one. It has involved a lot of walking, which has been surprisingly exhausting. Seven or eight miles when you’re used to the equivalent steps of three miles, and standing for long hours in between, is a change. Other things like rain, health stuff, and perhaps some existential ennui have slowed me down, too. In the past month, I’ve alternated between 80-110 miles per week riding my bicycle. Not great, but not horrible.
At the end of last’s month’s post, Blog Post #666: The Blog In Which I Announce My Retirement from Blogging*, was a little-noticed * aka asterisk. Only one astute reader followed that to the denouement and figured out the meaning in these words, hidden in plain view: “Respectfully submitted on 01.04.22*, ADAB.” That’s European formatting, day first, month second. That reader was the ever-sharp Half Fast Cycling Club (say it out loud — it’s a fun pun) up in Wisconsin. Not only has he (I’m deducing that’s his pronoun) ridden his bicycle across most of the US (and he’ll correct me in the comments if I’m wrong about that), he’s fixin’ to do it again — at almost 70 years of age. Oh yeah, to do the trip, he’s resigning his hospital job as a literal lifesaver of COVID patients (mostly the ignorant “I did my own research on Facebook” variety). So kudos to Half Fast, and to the rest of you (except if you are in other countries where this peculiar American prank day is not celebrated), I say this: APRIL FOOLS, suckahs! Strap in, it’s going to be a long post.
Welp, after almost two-thirds of 1,000 blog posts, it seems like a good time to take the pause that refreshes. Which the astute observer would have noticed that I’ve been sorta doing for the last couple of months already, anyway. Spring has sprung in Central Texas, so it’s a good time to examine where I’ve been, and where I’m going, not just with blogging, or biking, yoga-ing, walking, reading, fluting, etc., but life. A little metaphorical housecleaning, so to speak. (Actually clean house? Pshaw! That’s for suckers.) And who could begrudge a dude the chance to step back after six years and six hundreds of blogs? So forthwith, posthaste, and inmediatamente, let’s get skippy with it. (By the way, after this mention, this post will be Will Smith and slap-free. I’m Team Chris Rock all the way. Fuck you for ruining the Oscars, Little Willie. Get your face offa my TV and movie screens and go for some goddam anger management!)
This is one of those nights when a sensible blogger who is not feeling well skips writing; instead, she/he/they takes a bath, drinks some sleepy tea and reads, or gets under the covers early. Lucky for you, I never claimed to be sensible. (I also didn’t say whether that is good or bad luck. It’s your call if you’re feeling lucky, punk. Well, are you?) Anyway, I’ve been writing daily since January 1, 2018, either in this blog, a journal, or my memoir. It would be easy, but not at all simple, for me to just skip a night. But so far, no matter how badly I might feel, I write. So, here goes un poquito blogito.
My bicycle memoir, a book that’s been in process for several years now, is going like my bike rides — ever so slowly, relatively speaking. I like to blame the Writers League of Texas revision class teacher’s fault for blowing up my structure. It was 24 chapters over two years; she said ditch that for hanging things on half a dozen or so major events. The League director pretty much said the same. So not only did I write it, go back and revise it, then try to have some beta readers look at it, now I have to go back and re-re-re-do it? Apparently, yes. But I may have found a shovel to start digging myself out of this hole. That shovel is actually a person. I’ll explain.
For those new here, I’ve written a manuscript. It’s about the period covered by the first two years of this blog. It took a year to write the book, alternating days that I write this blog. Another year passed while I edited it. I was sitting in a virtual drawer for a while, then I found a couple of people to do beta reading. While that process continues, this opportunity came along after I recently joined the Writers League of Texas. Membership has its privileges, and one of them is discounts on programs like this class on revision. (Many are free.) Although not cheap, I realized it’s a bargain and that I couldn’t really afford NOT to take the class. Although the goal — to write a book — was accomplished, if I ever want to get this book done and out into the world somehow, it’s going to take a lot more work. After all, as they say, writing IS revising. I’m thinking of it as an investment. Who knows? Maybe it’ll make me some money some day. (Unlikely, but possible).
Happy First Day of International Women’s Month. (Is it bad that I can’t get Beyonce’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It”) out of my head?) Here in the States we were hoping 2021 would suck a lot less than the dumpster fire fluster cuck that was 2020. But it’s been a year already: insurrection at the US Capitol; inauguration of the lawfully elected 46th President (who quickly began steering the ship of state away from the rocky shores with some pretty righteous executive actions); impeachment without conviction of the ousted one for inciting said riot; the vaccine rollout happening but mostly botched (largely due to the last guy); and the new guy before bombing some places in Iraq. (Meet the new boss, same as the old boss, at least when it comes to war and the military.) Then there was epic Winter Storm Uri (a Russkie?) which led to ultra cold temperatures, blackouts (the weather kind and I’m sure booze-related ones, too), near record snow, ice, and in Texas especially, the loss of electricity, heat, and then water for millions. Yeah, pretty sucky, 2021.
But hey, there ain’t much a dude can do about all that but to survive and Just Keep Livin’. And that means doin’ some stuff, makin’ moves, and what not. Thanks to the boss man over at Sorryless saying I inspired him to take 10,000 steps every day but starting Februrary 1st, now that March has arrived, I figure it’s time to review my vows to suck a little less. It’s a lot to hope for, but maybe some of my very modest but important marginal gains will rub off on y’all, and on the year at large. OK, suck it up, we got some stats to update. I’ll try to keep it short.
A Dude Abikes 